Half Souls
by Bhex
Summary: FujiYuuta. Fuji ponders on the possibility of one soul being separated into two people. Set shortly before and during the division tournament when Seigaku first fought St. Rudolph.


Half Souls 

  
  
_Do you believe, Yuuta? _

Sometimes a soul is split in two, and those two parts of the same soul are reborn as two different people. 

"Eh?! Niichan, how's that going to work? Doesn't each person have a soul?" 

Yes, but you see, when a person comes back to life over and over, the lives add up. The soul gets bigger. Then when the soul gets too big for one body, it splits into two bodies. 

"But that doesn't make sense! Then that means those two bodies only have half a soul each?" 

That's right. 

"How can people live with just half a soul?" 

I guess half a soul is enough to move one body. All a body needs to do in this world is move, you see... 

"Do you believe it, Niichan? That a person can have just half a soul?" 

I believe it, Yuuta. I know it. 

*** 

It's another way to view the concept of "soulmating." 

I heard about it before in grade school. But I really got to learning about it in one of the books that one of the girls in my second-year class had given me as a gift. 

I laugh whenever I remember. I knew at the back of my head that the girl had lent me the book in order to hint that _she_ and I were soulmates. That we used to be the same soul, and were separated by fate, but were placed not too far apart from each other. 

After all, it was destiny that she and I meet; same-souls are bound to find each other within their lifetime. Not like regular soulmates, who are sometimes placed on opposite sides of the world and are seldom meant to touch. 

I was about to store the book away quietly with all the other books that all the other girls had given to me. But then this girl came up to me, asked me if I received the book, and told me she liked me, all in one breath. 

So I told her I got the book, I liked it very much, I was sorry, but I liked somebody else. Did she want the book back? She was close to crying when she said no, please, please keep it. I could hear her sobbing as she fled down the corridor. I waited for her to disappear. 

And then I chuckled to myself. 

It's amazing how emotional some people are. How _most_ people are, I should say... 

The most logical person I knew was Inui Sadaharu, a guy in my tennis club. But even he was a slave to his impulses. Let's just say that Inui Sadaharu couldn't keep his hands off a certain sullen, stubborn, well-built second-year if his life depended on it. 

I will never become irrational. I will always live on what I _know_, not what I feel. And seeing all these young people bumbling through life with a million insecurities, I am more than just a little amused. 

At the same time, it leads me to believe I'm missing something...something I have no ability to comprehend. 

*** 

_"So what happens if a soul doesn't find its other half?" _

I don't know, Yuuta. 

"What happens if one half doesn't LIKE the other half? Does that ever happen?" 

...I don't know. 

*** 

It was time for the year's division tournament. I had not seen you in weeks. I knew you were staying in that dorm of yours, training. I kept calling you, but you never picked up the phone. 

I just wanted to say "good luck." 

And that I missed you. 

But you never picked up. 

It wasn't like anyone else would ever notice how it bothered me that we were going to play St. Rudolph in the division tournament. But in one of our late-night matches, Tezuka pointed out that if I was going to be in the lineup as a singles player, I might play you. And I fell still. 

"Your brother doesn't have a doubles record. I could put you in for doubles," Tezuka offered then. "It's as much my call as Ryuuzaki-sensei's." 

He was holding the ball. I smiled at him. 

"Thanks, Tezuka. I mean that. But no thanks. He wants to play me, and I have to admit, it's been a while..." 

Tezuka served. I returned. 

"Do you think he stands a good chance against you?" 

I shrugged. "I wouldn't know." 

One short cross, and I won the set. 

"...I'd like to think so, though, Tezuka." 

*** 

_Our last name means "without peer." But if we take it apart, the characters mean "not" and "two." Between the two of us, it was never about not having competition; it was about not being two separate people. _

  
  
My first defeat was when I was eight years old. My opponent was a nine-year-old with a mole on his right cheek. I don't remember his name. But he was tall and he threw his chest out a lot. 

At the end of the match, I wasn't depressed; I was thoughtful. I sat in a corner replaying the match in my head and analyzing each move we made. He got a corner shot in; I should have moved faster. Then that lob caught me off-guard; I shouldn't have stayed so near the net. 

People left me alone to think for a long time. Not even our parents approached me. I heard them say to other adults that I could sometimes get "scary." The adults replied "He was scary enough while he was playing..." 

I didn't know what they meant by "scary." I did know that they were discussing me as if I were some sort of curious scientific specimen, using simple words like "scary" from time to time, making the discussion fit a casual get-together. 

Then you came up and stood in front of me. I had no choice but to look up. Your face was all bruised and dirty. I jumped to my feet. 

"Don't mind, Niichan," you said, grinning, with one front milk tooth knocked out. "It's okay. I punched him for you." 

I touched your bluish cheek and you nearly bit my head off. Didn't I know better than to touch a fresh bruise? "Baka Niichan." _If that kid with the mole on his cheek ran crying back to his parents, we were both going to get in trouble. So I laughed and hugged you. And you hugged me back and I felt turned over. You said it was a good game. I felt... _

I felt like I'd won. 

*** 

He had hair so black it had bluish highlights under the clear sky. His name was Mizuki. I hated him the instant I saw him. 

-- And it was because when he looked at me, I thought I could see your smiling face. I didn't really understand what it meant at the time, I only knew that it hurt seeing you in the face of someone I didn't even recognize. 

Then, you were playing Echizen. And while he was watching you he smiled. That smile no longer had you in it, only himself. 

While you swung that racket with all your might, with all the strength of your shoulder... I was looking at him and I saw your desire to crush me. 

It would have killed me to look at you then. So I kept my gaze on his. 

"Yuuta..." escaped me. 

I walked up, close to the fence surrounding the court. The fingers of my left hand clawed around the wire. 

I felt the pain on your shoulder, as if it were on my own. I knew it should never have been there. No one should have hurt you. I wanted to kill someone. Anyone. Anyone except you. 

"Yuuta," I said again. 

"SHUT UP!" you screamed. "Don't talk to me, aniki." 

I stepped back from the wire. 

*** 

_You'd taught me how to consider people's feelings. _

You used to defend me from people who called me "weak" and "weird." 

You used to call me "Niichan." 

What happened? 

*** 

I don't remember how it feels like to play without considering wins or losses. Ever since you left home, I could never play the same way. The game isn't fun anymore. It's always about having to win. And it's always about having to win for _something._

As I looked into this black-haired person's face, I bore in mind that I wasn't aiming to win for myself. That this game was for _you_ -- that it was in payback for how he took advantage of your trusting nature. 

He smiled back at me condemning me for all my sins. As if I'd let you go and now he owns you. As if now, he's the older brother I never was, because I was too busy thinking of myself and my own successes, before you. 

It took too much out of me to think that everything I'd done, I'd done for your sake. 

In order to function correctly, I just told myself that the gloating bastard deserved to be humiliated. And said some other things only I would understand. 

I can do this. I can break him into pieces. 

I love you. 

I can't feel anything. 

*** 

_"Niichan. If it's true we're the same soul...then we've found each other, haven't we? We're going to stay together forever, aren't we?" _

  
  
On the day you left home, you faced me with such hatred. "Are you going?" I asked. "Yeah," you answered. And then you opened the door with just one brief glance over your shoulder, as if you couldn't even stand to look _at me. _

I stood numb at the doorstep with memories rushing through my head. 

You were five and I was six, and we were both scrawny as hell. Walking home from the playground our parents had left us in. Our clothes were torn and we were both pretty much beaten up. 

I was only glad neither of us was limping. I was going to get hell from Father if he saw. I'd said I wasn't going to let anything happen to you. 

You weren't talking to me. I figured it was because it was YOUR fight and I'd gotten in the way, and you were mad. I hadn't even thought about asking you what the fight was about, had I? 

But there was something I had to do, as your older brother. Regardless of whether or not you were angry with me. I stopped walking and knelt in front of you. I took out the handkerchief Mother stuffed into my pocket every time I went out. I wiped your face clean. It wasn't going to do us any good if Father saw us both scruffy. 

To my surprise, you started crying. I didn't really understand. I could never understand the things you do, Yuuta. You were always the one who found sense in your emotions. 

"I wanted to kill them because they said Niichan was a freak," you whimpered. "Now Niichan's going to get in trouble with Father because of me..." 

I smiled. But my heart was breaking right alongside yours. Everything's going to be okay, Yuuta. 

We both knew they were coming into the playground again. I made up my mind to come up with an elaborate plan to get them to leave the two of us alone. 

"Niichan suki da,"_ you sobbed, while I held you close to me. _"Niichan daisuki da."

  
  
On the day you left home, I wanted to feel something. Even loss. But I didn't. I went on with my day as if nothing had happened. 

The loss spread itself out over the following days. Weeks. Months. I realized with despair it was probably never going to end. 

*** 

"Yuuta. Good game, wasn't it?" 

I was in a light mood because the black-haired loser had left the establishment, leaving you behind to deal with me and my irritating presence. 

"Shut up," you said again, but in a milder tone this time. "Someday I WILL defeat you." 

I didn't feel hatred there. You could say whatever you want about my insensitive nature, but I know when there's hatred coming from you, and when there isn't. 

"You're coming home, aren't you? Neesan made your favorite pie." 

You stopped walking. You looked back at me and smiled. And my heart burst. I have you back, if only for another day. 

I love you. 

Do you believe? 

  
  
_-- 11-23-03 \ 4:40 PM   
Edited: 9:45 PM_

  


_= Author's notes: =_

This one's dedicated to Caillen. 

Please pardon the sap ^^ 

This is also the edited version. Sorry to those who had to sit through the initial upload. I wasn't paying attention to my verb tenses. Among other things. XD 

I'd like to be able to supply a useful backgrounder to the idea of single souls being split into two bodies during reincarnation, but I'm afraid I don't have the materials with me right now. I'll probably edit this piece and provide more useful info once I get more online time. Probably. 

  
_Disclaimer:_ Prince of Tennis is copyrighted to Konomi Takeshi. 


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